Notes From An Exhausted Mind
by AndAllThatMishigas
Summary: Prompt: exhausted, journal.


**Notes From An Exhausted Mind**

Jean entered Lucien's study one afternoon with a tray of tea things, as she always did when he was home and unoccupied by patients at teatime. But, surprisingly, she found her husband slumped over in his chair, his head lolling to the side and his mouth wide open as he softly snored.

She giggled quietly to herself, impossibly struck by how much she loved him. His gentle sleeping face had a most endearing expression.

Jean put the tea tray on the far end of the desk and went around to where he sat. Before she had a chance to wake him up, she noticed what was sitting open in front of him, what he'd obviously been working on when he fell asleep: his journal.

Curious to a fault, Jean couldn't help but pick it up and flip through the pages. She was shocked to see her name jump out at her. She frowned and read more closely from the top of he page.

 _I can't recall the last time I've been so exhausted all the time. Nearly painfully so. Not torturously, like in the camp. No, this is a wonderful sort of exhaustion. If anything had to keep me awake, I'm glad it's Jean._

Jean's jaw dropped. She wasn't aware she'd been keeping her husband awake! Why hadn't he said anything!? Did he perhaps need to sleep apart from her? She kept reading, hoping the answer wouldn't add to the sick feeling of guilt in her stomach.

 _I can't keep my eyes off her. I think she's noticed sometimes. I wish I could properly convey how beautiful she is. The brightness of her smile is practically blinding. She's smiled more recently than I've ever seen, and I certainly hope some of that is my doing. The softness of her skin and the gentleness of her touch nearly brings me to tears. Her delicate voice and the seductive curve of her body and the ethereal glow of her very being are so entrancing. And every day is simply better. All she is and all she does make me love her more every minute._

Jean paused halfway through the page to glance at his sleeping face, still snoring obliviously. Tears of joy pricked her eyes, and she blinked them back as she went back to reading.

 _She's at twenty weeks today, based on my assessment. Halfway through her pregnancy. I can only thank whatever god Jean believes in that everything has been without complication so far. I try not to hover or keep too close a watch; I know she'd be annoyed with me if I didn't leave her be. I certainly trust that she's done this before and she knows her own body. But I am her doctor and even more than that, I am her husband. It is my greatest duty in this life to love and protect her as best I can. I wouldn't be able to bear it if anything happens to her or the baby and I could have done something about it._

"Something interesting there?"

Jean jumped upon hearing Lucien's voice. "Oh I'm sorry!" She immediately dropped the journal on the desk.

"No need to apologize. After all this time, my darling, I certainly have no secrets from you," he replied with a soft smile. Lucien scrubbed his face with his hands to wake himself up.

"What is this?" she asked.

"My journal. I've been keeping better tabs on my own thoughts. I want to make sure everything is documented," he told her.

Jean placed a protective hand on her belly. "In case something goes wrong?"

"Yes," he admitted.

She frowned. "You haven't been sleeping? Because you're worried?"

"Yes. But that's not all of it."

"Oh?"

He scooted his chair away from the desk and took her hand, guiding her to come sit on his lap. "I think you read in there how madly in love with you I am. I hardly want to sleep in case I miss even a minute of you."

Jean trailed her fingers along his cheek. "That's very sweet, but I think you're being a bit silly."

"Well, that's also why I've been writing everything in the journal. Jean, I think you know it's practically a miracle that we've conceived a child. I never even dreamed we'd be so lucky. That…that I'd be so lucky to have a second chance at fatherhood, and the opportunity to father a child with you, my love…is more than I could have possibly imagined. And I just want to remember every moment of this time. I don't want to let anything slip out of my head. So if I write it down, it'll always be here to remind us of this magical time," he said, his voice cracking slightly with emotion.

Cradling his face in to her breast, Jean pressed kisses to her husband's forehead. "Lucien, that's a lovely idea. I hope you'll let me read more of your journal sometime. I think it'll be nice to revisit all this wonderful, exciting anticipation for our baby before the crying and truly sleepless nights begin," she teased. "And actually," she realized, "you'd better be getting your sleep in now. I don't know how it was with Li, but I can guarantee that this baby won't let us sleep a wink for months."

He chuckled, "And how do you know that?"

"Lucien, this is your baby I'm carrying. Do you think there's any chance he won't be making noise when the house is trying to sleep?"

"He?"

"Or she," Jean corrected with a smile. "We'll find out soon enough." She gave him one last kiss on his cheek before hauling herself off his lap. "Now then, let's have some tea, and why don't you read to me from your journal?"

He nodded. "A lovely idea."

They both sipped their tea and sat comfortably at the desk as Lucien began to read. Jean just let his beautiful words drench her in his love and affection for her and their unborn child.


End file.
